You’ve reached the point where you think you want to leave Gracepoint. How can you leave gracefully, and what can you expect?

Every individual is different; this page is meant to be used as a loose guideline. It is based on the experiences of many who have left over the years.

  1. Write down your thoughts
  2. Confide in someone you can trust
  3. Decide how much to share
  4. Decide how to share it
  5. Be prepared for any response

Write down your thoughts

There are several keys to do this well:

  • Give yourself the space to be honest with yourself, before jumping to conclusions that you’re just being “rebellious,” “selfish,” or “ungrateful.”
  • Write things in your own words. Make sure your reasons are YOUR reasons. Not someone else’s that you read on reddit or some blog, unless you truly fully agree with their words.
  • Allow scripture to guide your thoughts. Consider Christ’s character and how his love is illustrated in the bible.
  • Distinguish between leaving Gracepoint and leaving the Church (Christianity) as a whole; they aren’t the same.

Confide in someone you can trust

This is tricky, especially if your network consists primarily of people currently in Gracepoint. It can be hard to predict whether a fellow Gracepoint member will truly listen vs. if they will immediately jump to conclusions and use the conversation against you. There’s also a risk of them sharing your conversation with others who don’t have the full context of where you’re coming from.

If you have a trusted Christian friend or family member outside of Gracepoint, it may be wise to start with that person first.

The goal of this conversation is to be heard and have your experience be validated. The goal is not for someone to make a decision for you; the decision is yours alone. Seek out someone who will truly listen to you. Someone who will think carefully before they start offering advice.

Decide how much to share

With a spouse or a best friend, a full explanation is appropriate.

But with people who are less tied to you, it’s okay, and even good, to not give a full explanation. Less is more, since the more you share, the more risk there is for someone to take something out of context and hold it against you. Rumors can travel quickly and can burn bridges, even if the rumor turns out later to be false.

There may be many reasons you decide to leave, but if there is one that stands above the rest, focus on that one and try to articulate it as clearly as possible.

Decide how to share it

If you’re married or leaving together with a friend, it is strongly recommended to physically be together when stating your decision to leave, as opposed to each individual meeting separately with his/her leader.

This is one of the hardest decisions you’ll ever have to make in your life, and being able to draw reassurance from each other will make the process much more bearable, especially if the conversation goes less-than-amicably.

Additionally, by being together, you can corroborate what was said by both parties if you ever need to refer to the conversation in the future. Two people, together, can usually remember something better than one alone.

Be prepared for any response

Some responses you may get:

  • Your leader may try to convince you to stay, because they think you’re being too hasty/emotional, or they may think you’ll really “fall” without Gracepoint there to support you (i.e. “where else will you go?”). Or because if you leave, you’ll have a negative impact on the ministry (i.e. you’re a lead/staff, you have influence among your peers, etc.).
  • Your leader may genuinely listen and support your decision to leave. Many people who have left actually have experienced a more supportive response than they expected.
  • Your leader may get mad at you and try to correct you. However, anecdotally, we think this is rarer than people think it is, especially if the person leaving is confident in their decision to leave and has good reasons.

Try to run the scenarios through your head and be prepared for anything. Being prepared for any kind of response will help give you courage and confidence in your decision.

👉 Continue to next article: Finding healing after leaving

Further reading